I received an email from my business mentor, Lisa Johnson, this week that made me cry.
It started by talking about the weather. Then about the Netflix series they had binged recently. So, nothing to make me cry there.
But then it segued into a story about why they loved the various T.V. programs and films they mentioned – The Queens Gambit, Sex Education and Karate Kid. They explained that each were stories about authentic underdogs who use their unique skills to succeed, despite not believing they could.
The email continued to say how proud she was to have clients that were ‘the geeks, the underdogs, the meek, the shy, the scared, the put down, the bullied, the undiscovered chess geniuses, the different and the hidden’. And she encouraged them all to take that adversity and use it to create a stronger version of themselves.
And that’s where I cried!
Because this is what I have done. It is exactly what I help my clients to do.
Those of us that didn’t really fit in at school, in work, in friendship groups, we got to watch. Those that are shy and quiet, meek or introverted, sensitive and anxious, often have more opportunities to watch others.
To assess and analyse what REALLY matters. What does need changing. What doesn’t.
When I realized that some of the rules in life really don’t make any sense.
When I got curious and started to ask why do we do it this way? Why are we expected to do it like this? I found the answer was usually ‘because it’s always been this way’ or ‘because that’s how we were taught’ etc. not, ‘It’s because we looked at all options and reviewed the positive and negatives of each and this one was the best, the most effective, most efficient, the fastest, the easiest, whatever’.
No, it’s usually because of history AND peoples fear of change and their acceptance of what is…
Well, WE DON’T HAVE TO DO IT THAT WAY.
When I was able to see this truth, I was able to stop trying to fit in.
If you can see a different way (you might not know if it’s better at first) but if you want to test it. Then you should find a way to test it.
Lots of things don’t need too much of a tweak to make a big difference.
EXAMPLE: I had a client who claimed they were freezing all night. I asked why this was. They said the wind blew in through the window off the sea. I asked ‘oh, do you have poor fitting windows then?’ They said ‘no, I mean through the open window at night’. Puzzled I asked, ‘why did you open the window if you find it so cold at night?’ she said ‘oh’, she thought for a minute ‘oh’ she said, ‘I don’t know, I suppose I always have, my mother used to do it when I lived at home.’ ‘Ah’, I said ‘where did your mother live? Did she live by the sea?’. ‘In India’ she replied starting to grin, ‘it was hot at night, so she always opened the windows’.
The thing is We are Creatures of Habit, and we (especially worriers) don’t tend to question things. (Because answers are uncertain and can lead to CHANGE and that is SCARY!) Anxiety and Worry and being used interchangeably, find out what is the difference of Anxiety and Worry.
So, all too often we do the same things over and over trying to fit into other people’s worlds. Other people’s rules. And getting more and more stressed feeling like WE don’t fit in.
So, STOP IT!
We don’t have to.
We can ask WHY they are doing it that way? CAN it be done a different way? Would that suit us better?
If so, DO IT!
It’s not you who doesn’t fit in. It’s the rules that need to change.
You will find others that appreciate that too and will join you.
Because there’s loads of us, GEEKS, NERDS, UNDERDOGS, SHY, MEEK, ANXIOUS, SQUARE MUMS who don’t, or perhaps didn’t, feel Good Enough and we ALL count!
Do you find yourself challenging worry and seems to be not working for you? Find out why.
If you want to feel like you do count, come join Good Enough Mum, an interactive, online space for support, friendship, and advice – Click Here